Corporate to SAHM

“Who would have thought that after a decade in Healthcare in a Director level position that I would be lucky enough to get to stay home and not work!”. I honestly dreamed of this. Begged God to let this happen. The whole time all I ever knew on a molecular level was to work myself to exhaustion in hopes of proving that I was worthy. Worthy of what? I didn’t know how deep that question went. In the 3D I was Successful. I had joined the military at 20 and left as a SGT in the Army upon my Honorable discharge. 13 years, one hell of a ride. Wouldn’t trade it for anything- I got to meet a part of myself that I had Always wanted to meet. As a little girl I promised myself I would become successful. But what did that mean? Again, deep.

So I kinda manifested it. The Stay at home mom gig. I had really wanted to be home with my kids due to a number of factors. My mental health would spiral every so often. Enough to become a real serious problem for me. Everything I say here is going to be from my perspective. I reflect and will gladly show the pitfalls I had and demonic interference I have had to overcome. If it can save anyone 3-5 years of pain then I will gladly share. The biggest reason was my family. I grew up very traditional Mexican. Like my mother and father were from small rural Pueblo’s in Mexico. Limited skills but not a limited God. So I knew if I wanted to pass on my wealth of knowledge and life skills, I needed to be active in my kids lives. But that also meant healing my own trauma’s so my kids are better prepared for this world and what it dishes.

July’ 2024 I was laid off. I was devasten and my self confidence shaky. I had to embrace the grief daily. It was rough. I sank into a deep depression and slowly my life came tumbling down by my own two hands. I spiraled. Hard.

My whole identify was wrapped up in this job. I did the vision boards and prayed on choices that would excel me in my career. I had really thought out and was strategic about the moves that I was making in order to have a great résumé in the army to pay for my bachelors and then eventually have enough networking contacts that I would be able to get into a six figure job with healthcare flexible hours and a lot of autonomy. Mental health dictated that I needed a lot more alone time and the way that my personal personality is, I could sell Products and services as long as I believed in the products and services. Some money was never really an issue as far as making it, but I knew how to keep it.

I took all the personality test Myers-Briggs 16 personalities and even a few of them for corporations who wanted to hire me. I was determined to love what I do because my mom and Dad didn’t bust their asses getting to this country for nothing. Success was my only destination. Anyways, I thought I made the right choices! I graduated from College and started applying. I got offered a position with a hospice, then a home health agency and eventually as a Director of Marketing for Nursing homes. In a span of 3 years I went from $18.75 hr to $35 hr. To me that was like winning the lottery! I was beside myself. But the way up was just beginning. Eventually my network got me an opportunity as a SNF (skilled nursing facility) Director of Business Development. At the height of my career I was in the mid six figures. But the longer I stayed I realized that Healthcare is a lot more in the business of making money. Everything was about making that money. Networking with Doctors and hospitals to get patients to the nursing home. Knowing the medical terminology and clinical knowledge to be able to make clinical decisions on peoples lives. I had to know the pay rates for our insurance contracts and when I needed to decline a patient depending on the drama going on in the buildings. For example: we have 9 patients with deep stage 3 wounds. Once they go to stage 4, medical guideline say stage 4 you can never regenerate benefits. Aka my building wont get paid if that thing gets bigger. Big problem. Playing with stats that are at the daily standups was like drinking from a fire hydrant. I had the bandwidth for it for 10 years, but I started To really burnout after COVID hit. Nurses got a lot more vocal about patients and care. Rightfully so- but made the social dynamics of my job a lot harder. If I would bring in 1 too many admissions to the building- nurses would just call out .. forcing me to beg the hospital to give me until the next morning for a smooth admission. Hospitals post and I look heartless because I am “admitting patients and dont care about care staff ratios”. Ermm ma’am - I just ate shit for you calling off.. I think we need to realize I am not the bad guy.

Recently, my church did a really cool personality type of test so that I can volunteer and it showed me how I’m wired and how I have a high tolerance for working outside of my design. That makes sense because I clearly was not fulfilled 100%. I loved it and I baked it. I loved my patience. I love the families. I love explaining the benefits and expert on different things like title clinical guidelines and I would constantly try to stay abreast a lot of the changing information in Healthcare.

NERRRRRRP. Nope. Nah. 5 months and I see how much I was dissociating from the stress and becoming ill with fibromyalgia worse and worse bc of the stress. Not to mention it bled into the rest of my life. Thank God I have the VA or my healthcare would be ridiculous to pay. Thanks Army. It had to end.

I am the Salty Entrepreneur- through and through. I started this blog years ago trying to be a positive force, find and maintain my motivation for excellence and making healthcare better. Now I see if you want things to change, you have to have power. And I didn’t have any. My voice and heart is my superpower. I helped who I could when I could. Homeless or PTSD ravaged Vets. My patients were people with stories and a life that mattered. I had to carry on. But at the cost of my family and marriage? What was I leaving for them?

So this past Saturday, I stumbled across a YT short video about how the best employees Have a spouse that holds down the house and supports the breadwinner. 100%. I had never heard it mentioned like that. My husband is my rock, God is the foundation and I had been feeling that tug on my heart to stay home, rest and recover so I could show up as the best version of myself and for my babies.

But I just couldn’t reconcile with the fears.. “what if he leaves me? what if this leaves me in a bad spot financially and I can’t get out of my marriage?”. Welcome to new fears unlocked. The game in my head where hyperindepence and my trauma tell me how to always keep a life vest in case of an emergency exit. I had to deal with my long blocked out pain of my parents marriage. I had to sit and cry and envision rescuing little Jacky from the abuse and neglect. Again, God walked in the fire with me. Promising me a double portion. Well come to realize he didn’t give me double. He jumped me ahead of the line. I am living in a place of abundance and not lack. That’s way more than what I started with.

So now after months at home with God and myself. I cleaned House of a lot of terrible subconscious stories that dictated so much self hate and sabatoage. I get to rest and recharge, become a new version of myself slowly, intricately and by design. Thus allowing me to show my kids how to be and walk in authority. Embrace their unique abilities and know who they are. The world will teach them if you don’t. So this is it. I am going to blaze a new trail with God scouting ahead. Stay at home mom has become more about my highest self and less to do of the past version of a marriage I witness as a kid.