Redefining Success as a Veteran and Stay-at-Home Mom
Seven months in, I’m finally starting to feel like myself again. The weight of survival mode is lifting. I’m still triggered, still healing, but I’m walking a much healthier path. There were nights I cried out to God for help, and even in the silence, I trusted and obeyed. Not perfectly, not all the time, but enough to become sensitive to the Holy Spirits guidance.
This journey of redefining success has been anything but linear. As a veteran, I was trained to push through pain, to endure, to lead. As a first-generation Mexican-American, I was raised to hustle, to sacrifice, to never stop working. So when I left the workforce to be a stay-at-home mom, I felt like I had abandoned every part of myself that had made me strong. The world tells you that being a stay-at-home mom is somehow less than that a woman is only as valuable as her paycheck. But deep down, I always envied the women who had the luxury of staying home with their kids. I wanted that. I wanted my husband to provide so I could give my children the presence I never had growing up.
Growing up, my mother was in survival mode, always working to keep a roof over our heads. My father, emotionally stunted from the trauma so normalized in Mexican culture, couldn’t provide the stability we needed. Living in the U.S. meant a whole new set of expectations. It was hard to unlearn certain cultural mindsets and embrace a different way of raising a family. I used to think of it as the white way of doing things Now, I see it differently theres simply a higher standard of living here, one that values intentionality over mere survival.
How Military Life Shaped My Work Ethic
The Army ingrained in me a relentless work ethic. It made me expect high standards from myself and everyone around me. In the military, everything has a process, a protocol. You push through exhaustion, you execute the mission, you expect discipline. So when I transitioned to civilian life, I struggled. Why didn’t people operate with the same sense of urgency? Why was mediocrity acceptable? I couldn’t understand why others didn’t share the same baseline of discipline and responsibility.
But what hit me the hardest was realizing that the same mindset that made me a great soldier made it hard to just be a present mother.
The Internal Struggle: Choosing Family Over a Career
I would cry myself to sleep knowing I had to minimize my kids needs so I could focus on work. I had to deprioritize my marriage. It felt like I was betraying everything I was raised to believe. In a first-generation Mexican household, family is everything. Your parents are your world, your siblings are your responsibility, and your children are your legacy. But here I was, spending more time in boardrooms than with my babies. I justified it by saying I was building a better life for them, but at what cost?
Learning to See Success Differently
I had to learn the hard way that I couldn’t be SGT Aguilar in the civilian workforce. I felt lost, confused, and frustrated when my leadership was undermined by work politics I didn’t even realize were at play. I had spent my career pushing forward, executing, and getting results only to be sidelined by something as ridiculous as the Filipino Mafia of nurses who controlled everything behind the scenes. No matter how good I was at my job, there were invisible forces dictating my success.
At first, I saw stepping away from that world as failure. But I’ve come to realize that success isn’t just about winning it’s about alignment. It’s about living in a way that honors your values, your faith, and the people who matter most.
Staying Anchored in Faith
Through it all, I’ve remained deeply devoted to God. His laws have been written on my heart since childhood. In today’s culture, biblical principles are seen as outdated, even oppressive. But for me, they have been the most trustworthy wisdom I’ve had as a parentified child of Mexican immigrants, navigating the chaos of this invisible, secretly open world in Southern California.
The truth is, I didn’t get here on my own. In my darkest moments, I cried out to God. When I couldn’t see a way forward, I obeyed Him anyway. Not perfectly, but consistently enough to recognize the Holy Spirit’s voice guiding me. And now, seven months later, I’m finally seeing the fruit of that obedience. I still have my struggles. I still get triggered. But I’m not drowning anymore. I’m learning to live, not just survive.
Success, as I once defined it, is dead to me. The new version? It’s waking up with peace. It’s knowing my kids feel loved. It’s being present in my home. And most importantly, it’s knowing that no matter where this journey takes me, I am walking it with God.
