How To Maintain Boundaries At Work, Home And EVERYWHERE You Show Up
How to set bounderies
..Even If You Aren’t Right Now.
Knowing how to set boundaries: Everyone has heard it. Easier said than done. People LOVE to talk the talk, but in my expirience there is major room for improvement. You know I adore sharing my insights and practical world life expirience so that YOU don’t have to blunder an area that takes ALOT of practice to master. Now I say MASTER not perfect. Perfectionism is a one of my TOP NON-NEGOTIABLES. Here are my top 5 so that you can start from but then pivot so YOU can tailor it to your ideal life.
Saying no with INTENSION, diligence and strategy.
THEEEEE most important thing for me when it comes to setting boundaries is not to focus on others, but on myself and my goals NEEDS. Don’t forget about your needs! Setting a boundary with the intention of getting someone else’s behavior toward me to change is not setting a boundary. It’s being REACTIVE.
I set boundaries when I know my value and worth SURROUNDING situations. Working on myself, I HAD to pivot the way I view problems. I started to call them Situations. I take myself out of the equation- but look at the situation/problem/issue like its tangible. Like an orange in my hand. This Gwen Stefani on her Album Tragic Kingdom. Then me and my round table of PodCasters, YouTuber’s and all the great men and women I listen – come together to hash out what options we can attack our sneaky invaders.
Si Vis Paccem Para Bellum.
~Latin Translated to English~
“Those Who Wish For Peace prepare for War.”
GENERAL FLAVIUS VENETIA,RENATUS, DE RE MILITAR,4 -5 CENTURY AD
2. Use Military Strategy: War games & battle plans.
My boundaries are my centurions, my royal guards, my trusted SOLDIERS. I have trained my BOUNDARY GUARDS to be stealthy, regal and skillful.
It takes soooo much time and effort to create boundaries that- I just don’t change them frivolously. (Kinda like getting a new assistant) you pour into these people so that when you aren’t around- they get *expletive* done!!!. My persona ‘SGT Aguilar’ jumps out when I am passionate 🫡. Standing your ground, toeing the line, MAINTAINING consistent boundaries is the difference between a dam being built well (blueprints and thousands of man hours) or allowing Ralph from the Simpson’s to suggest to you- how to build a DAM. ***insert meme of Ralph saying “I’m in danger 🫠” ***
If Anyone has been able to sway your choices- don’t worry. WE practice what we preach here.
3. We assault forward. 🇺🇸
WHY IS THE FLAG BACKWARDS ON MILITARY UNIFORMS????
If you’re not already familiar with the U.S. military uniform, one particular element– the American flag patch. What should be a simple symbol of our country often ends up being confusing for many when they find out that the flag is actually backwards on uniforms. So what gives? Why is the flag backwards on military uniforms?
Back in the days of the Civil War, flag bearers (I was one often in my CBRN units, Charlie MED 40th BSB, and 426 CA BN [AATW]) were common military positions within the greater infantry and cavalry units*. BACK THEN; the flag bearers stormed into battle, the American flag would sway behind them with the momentum, making it look like the flag was backwards as it flew.
This backwards American flag is called the Assaulting Forward.
America has never been a cowardly country, so we can’t have any icon that would make it look like we were retreating. The flag faces forward for the battle the same as our troops do. 🇺🇸 **‘MERICA**
US soldiers WE do not surrender, we assault FORWARD. Sorry, not sorry.
So-if I know my BOUNDARY, the sacrifice, the sheer determination it takes- why would I give that up to ANYONE? Well you shouldn’t- THAT is how you convey to the friggin WORLD- “I am protecting my own.” Si vis paccem, para BELLUM, baby.
Depending on the situations- My focus is have I done the RIGHT thing for me (ethically, culturally, morally).✨ Hey, we all need to sleep at night and when you don’t compromise your fundamentals, you sleep like a baby. But what about others? Glad you asked!
4. Clear is kind, unclear is unkind.
“Clear is kind, unclear is unkind.”
BRENE BROWN
The more laser sharp, crystal clear you can express your boundaries, the more likely your boundaries will be respected. While you may need to repeat yourself a few times, don’t feel the need to apologize or explain your boundaries. That’s what people pleasers do- and we are not here for that.
Like an invisible fence around the perimeter of a yard, boundaries establish l where your space ends, and someone else’s begins. If a dog can recognize and respect that perimeter, then so can everyone in your life.
If people change the way they treat me based on my boundary- good or bad- that’s on them.
Their focus is not your FOCUS. As a Director I spent YEARSSSSSS playing small bc all my focus was on OTHERS.
SURE- I moved up in rank in the Army- CLEAR expectations and checkins from my higher ups to get back on track when I may have strayed from The Mission* (its what we always refer back too). BUUUUUUUT- You don’t get this in civilian life. The Mission ISN’T CLEAR. The common goal gets washed away with the tide. So this is whyyyyyy I set out to create THE MISSION* in my corporate role. I got a business Coach, self development through books and anything I could absorb decades of experience from trusted sources in Business.
You wanna know what I learned? YOU’RE reading it. I share my decades of experience and challenges so you can gain 5 years back or an amazingggg jump off point. YOU are welcome.
5. Take BREAKS from everything and everything to RESET.
“You only get one mind and one body. And it’s got to last a lifetime. But if you don’t take care of that mind and that body, they’ll be a wreck 40 years later…it’s what you do right now, today, that determines how your mind and body will operate 10, 20, and 30 years from now.”
WARREN BUFFET
I was in Barnes and Noble during a brief mommy-alone time and I started to read and reread book and articles that help me see a BETTER perspective.
The Harvard Businesses Review. It had a compelling story that was hot on my mind. HOW TO PIVOT AFTER THE PANDEMIC.
How the heck do I pivot from not having boundaries to Boundary SME (subject matter expert). YOU NEED TO CHILL OUT. Warren- Monolith that he is- said it best in the quote, but still to paraphrase SELF-CARE, sleep hygiene, routines (Sunday night agenda the week ahead) and most effective of all? MEDITATE/prayer/breath work/ remove all the blocks by being still in your own body.
Downtime allows for boredom which equals a space for creativity to flow⚡️ but if your always wound up and stressed out- THAT ain’t ganna happen, Cap’n. Your phone on low battery 🪫 needs to recharge, humans work this same way. K? K.
RECAP: What Are Healthy Boundaries? Healthy boundaries are the limits you place around your time, emotions, body, and mental health to stay resilient, solid, and content with who you are. These empowering LIMITS protect you from being used, drained, or manipulated by others.
You can set boundaries around:
Family: your children especially* mommy needs timeouts from the loves of her life*
Friends: re-evaluate old friendships that no longer aligned with our truth.
Romantic relationships: This should be the first but I’m not single anymore but human relationships EVOLVE, so evolve along with ‘em.
Coworkers: OMG PLEASE- this is such a biggie! Act like everyone is a spy and your tongue 👅 is the difference between life and death. **loose lips sink ships**
Strangers: especially the scary, walk into the dark alley alone on your way home, guy in the hoodie following you in the parking lot to your car, or even the Boss who likes to joke about how “great your body looks” or weird crap like that. (And yes it happened to me, and yes I reported- no thanks to my female coworkers who DIDN’T BACK ME UP, still I was not THE ONE.)
Though BOUNDARIES aren’t as blatantly clear as a fence with a “no trespassing” sign, healthy boundaries communicate to others what you will and will not tolerate. It’s YOUR JOB to create, enforce and enjoy the peace boundaries bring.
